I went to Dallas you know. Yes, the Dallas in Texas. I've never been to Texas. It's extremely flat. I'm not exaggerating. To be precise, I stayed in Frisco and visited the aptly named Plano. I never saw one hill, not even an incline. Everything looked brand new in a kind of Stepford-wives way. The storefronts looked like a studio backlot, brand new but made to look old fashioned. So many restaurants and shops but no one around. Kinda creepy. I went there on business, so not much time to explore, but I did go out to dinner one night. Now this is where the adventure begins. Let me remind you, dear reader, that I don't eat meat. This anecdote means absolutely nothing to anyone in, say, Southern California or Seattle, but alas in Dallas it's an affront to everything they believe in. They shudder with the very fiber of their beings when you utter a phrase like, "I don't eat meat". So it is with some trepidation I walked into a restaurant called Twin Peaks. Should have been safe enough, I'm a big David Lynch fan. Surprise, it's actually nothing like that. My first clue was that the hostess was dressed like a skanky lumberjack. While for some this would have been a good sign, like people that eat at Hooters, but for me it's a sign that the food can't possibly be good because no one coming here would care about the food.
My co-worker, a nice Missouri farm boy, politely told he hostess that we needed to see the menu because, "she doesn't eat meat". The reaction is cartoon-like: Jaw drops to the floor, eyes bug out.
"You don't eat MEAT?"
The manager is called over.
"She doesn't eat MEAT!"
The manager turns to me, "ma'am, you don't eat MEAT? How about some chicken?"
My co-worker interjects, "chicken is MEAT"
The hostess pipes in, "you sure?"
Then comes the accusation, with the accompanying stink-eye. "You a VEGETARIAN?"
No, I was not chased with pitchforks from the restaurant, it all ended well. They had fish tacos on the menu. You see, I am not a vegetarian, I do eat some fish. The technical term for this is "pescatarianism". But I don't really eat that much fish so perhaps I'm about 3/4 a vegetarian. The meal was actually not bad and with a "girl-sized" wheat beer I was happy enough. I would give it two stars, mostly because of the skanky outfits and lack of cherry pie. Surely a restaurant named Twin Peaks should have cherry pie.
